Tuesday, June 24, 2008
When Toddlers Attack
Let me start by saying that I love my son. LOVE him LOVE him LOVE him.
But if a pharmaceutical company found some way to bottle his energy, they would have the No.1 birth control product in the world.
After hearing stories of how my husband and our siblings were as children I have now concluded that the only reason our parents had us two or less years apart is that that they didn't know what was to come.
They hadn't yet experienced THE TODDLER YEARS (imagine these words being said in a booming movie voice with the Twilight Zone sound track in the background)
David turned 2 in March and I'm still looking for the little switch on his body that was flipped on, turning him into a little hellion.
Nothing is safe.
If he can't reach it, he'll find something that will help him do so.
If he can't get in it, he'll find a way to bust it open, including tossing is wrestler style onto the hardwood floor.
His favorite phrases are stop or no, usually said red-faced and at full volume, his finger pointing at you in defiance.
(It probably doesn't help that I always bust out laughing during one of these episodes, making him more upset. Yes it's not the best way to parent but I can't help it. It's funny.)
The cats are now his wrestling buddies - things he tries to chase and body slam. Their tails are handles for pulling not petting.
Mommy's knees aren't meant to help hold her up or walk. Didn't you know they are there for football practice. Forget using those silly football sleds to practice tackling when an unsuspecting mommy will do.
Besides, she provides a much more exciting reaction upon hitting the floor with a thud.
Above you will find pictures of David's latest sneak attack, and alas there was irreversible damage. One was maimed for life, the other stomped to death.
Why he felt the need to take a bite out of the forehead of my Styrofoam hat model I will never know, but thankfully it's in a spot where I can cover it up.
Can you imagine me trying to sell hats on ETSY with this?
"Yes folks, this hat is the perfect way to emphasize those bite marks left behind from your latest night out...."
Yeah don't think so.
The other picture is of what were the hamburger buns I was going to use for dinner that night.
Apparently David felt that eating them was just too tame. Instead he decided to have a stomp and shred fest in the middle of the living room.
And people wonder why he is an only child....