Today was a pretty down day.
Well actually forget down, I was so far under I broke the earth's surface and found myself in China.
I became immersed with what I believe was my first full blown anxiety attack.
My ears were ringing (although in the end it helped block out the bs I was listening to.
My heart was racing
I wanted to throw up
And I wanted to run.
I wanted to run so far away so fast, that I would have made the Flash look like a turtle.
I wanted to be Waldo in a Where's Waldo competition for the blind.
You get the picture.
The only way I can describe what triggered this episode is that I somehow felt like I was a stinky pair of bowling shoes.
You know you don't like them, but you're going to pretend you do because that's how you play the game.
If you think you're better than me, don't pretend to be nice to me.
If you want my respect don't stand next to me and look right through me.
And lastly, watch what you say because someone is always listening.
I must have looked like a spastic monkey trying to leave the situation. I had hit that hyperactive cheerleader energy level - that level you hit when you are trying not to cry in public.
My husband was home when I walked through the door and the poor guy, after all he's had to deal with had to listen to me cry about how stupid I felt. How I wasn't sure if I fit in and how did I get to this point?
To top it off the freaking phone kept ringing... and ringing....and RINGING. With a broken caller ID there was no possible way I was playing the Russian Roulette phone game. Then my cell started ringing.
All I wanted was to be left alone.
I didn't want to talk about how I felt....well I did, but I've learned from horrible experiences that often those who jump to let you vent to them are the first to spread it around.
Listen to me. I've become so cynical I make Ebenezer Scrooge look like Santa Claus.
This California vacation can't come soon enough. I need a break - fast.