Saturday, June 28, 2008

Flight of the "Nag-a-gator"

Today was one for the history books.

My husband and I took a flight together
With a 2-year-old.

It's bad enough that my husband and I, after 6 years of coupledom have never taken on the challenge of aiport travel (a good possibility why we're still happily married). But the fact that we took on this challenge by tossing our cranky two-year-old into the mix on an early flight stands to prove that despite everything Robert is the guy for me.

We made it to CA and I'm still alive right?

Yesterday was the start of my poor husband's decent into hell aka Kristin is stressed.

Not only was I trying to pack our toddler, myself and clean the house. I also had to make sure the cats were taken care of, the fridge was empty etc etc.

I was possessed.

Laundry was flying faster than Lighting McQueen on jet fuel. Clothes were being sorted, brooms were being weilded and my poor husband was being ordered around like a POW in a prison camp.

Imagine a very shrill voice shrieking "Robert! Can you sweep the kitchen?" "Robert! Can you put this in the garbage?" "Robert! Can you....." Robert! Robert! Robert?...."

I'm surprised he didn't take off for Mexico by that point.

At one point we took a break and took David to the park. It was wonderful. We went to eat, because, well, we didn't want to clean the kitchen.

And then all was lost.

As soon as I walk in the door it hit me. The smell of kitty pee.
After so many problems with ZZ in the past I can smell cat pee better than a bloodhound can sniff out a bag of doobie shoved up the butt of a monkey in Africa.
(ok I have an issue with Monkey's and butts don't I?)

I JUST KNOW

And lo and behold.... She peed alright... IN MY FRIGGING JUST WASHED AND FOLDED LAUNDRY!!!!!

Ohhhhhhh she was so lucky she's cute... that and we have more money invested in her than the real Zsa Zsa does in her shoe wardrobe.

Enter the return of the "Nag-a-gator"

By the time everything was said and done it was past midnight. The kiddo was asleep on the couch, my husband was watching Sports Center and I was wrapping up all the packing.

Unfortunatly, we had to get up at 4:30 a.m., leave by 5:30 a.m. to catch a 6 a.m. shuttle that takes 2 hours to get to the airport.

We were zombies.

David was not happy with being disturbed so early and went into full raging temper-tantrum mode. Why? He didn't want to change out of the dirty shirt he was wearing. (he's become so particular about his clothing lately)

So we gave up the good fight and off we went, dirty shirt and all to the airport.

David was great and slept the entire way, but as per the actual flight HA HA HA.

He was so hyper and animated about all the planes and trucks in sight, you would have thought we fed him 100 pixie sticks.

We took precautions and put him in an overnight diaper. The flight was just over and hour. I had two new Thomas engines, coloring supplies, goldfish, Nilla Wafers, juice, water.... we were set.

Expect for the fact he didn't want to be buckled in.

Note that this entire time the "Nag-a-gator" was in full swing.

"Robert can you...Robert do....Robert... Robert....Robert."

But I was issued some payback.

At one point as I was picking up one of the trains David had dropped the snot discovered the tray.

CLUNK! as it came crashing down on my head. SMASH!!! as he then grabbed it and slammed it back down on my head laughing hysterically.

I had barely recovered from that attack when I received a diecast (metal and heavy) train in my face.

I was shocked my nose wasn't bleeding or broken.

David then proceeded to go YEAH YEAH YEAH and chuck his binkie into the lap of the person sitting two rows in front of us....

Should I go on?

Well I know I should because it gets better.

Really.

The plane finally landed and we waited until almost all the passengers had deboarded to get our little guy and carryons off the plane. He was finally doing good.

And then I picked him up.

All I can say is that how the hell can an overnight diaper hold enough pee for 8 hours, when a kid is sleeping, yet fail after only an 1 1/2 hours when he's awake.

I apologize to whoever had David's seat on the next flight..... That dampness is from sweat.... honest.

4 comments:

Rebecca said...

you are histarical! Reading your posts reminds me alot of reading 'The Egg and I.' Similar sort of wit, an old favorite of mine. You really should try writing a novel one day. I think you would carry a reader very well.

TwoSeasideBabes said...

I'm on the floor laughing, and almost peeing my pants. This...is the real reason why I'm choosing not to fly with two little ones in tow. I truly hope you enjoy your vacation. Have fun!

terryann said...

yep, I was the next passenger once, put four blankets down.. then got the stewart to get me a plastic bag ... for the top..
I once took a toddler to the bathroom in the plane during rough weather, it was so bowncy I had to hold her on the pot!!! ☺
travel with toddlers thats what happens!

Beth said...

Aww, you made it! Sounds like it could've been worse, but wish it had been better for you. Thanks for the amusing story hehe.