Friday, July 25, 2008

Moose Musings

When crocheting with Navy Blue wool yarn it it probably best to not do so with a cat in your lap. This yarn attracts cat hair better than Britney Spears' crotch attracts the paparazzi. It's everywhere.


Nothing is more hysterical than watching your husband get....ahem...."cock-blocked" by a "pussy" aka Zsa Zsa Gabor.
All my poor husband tried to do was put his arm around me when ZOOM!!!! ZZ - with her super hearing - was up the stairs, through our door and on our bed in what seemed like 10 seconds. She then proceeded to plant herself directly between us, with her nose pressed to mine and her butt shoved in my husband's face.

"Kiss my ass Mr. she's MINE" I could almost hear her saying.

Laundry is not meant to be folded for the purpose of being put away neatly into drawers. Instead it is meant for toddlers to lay, roll, throw, dump and scatter, thus allowing the now empty laundry basket to be used as a fort, step stool, race car..... you get the picture.

Technology is a wonderful thing. Cell phones I believe were made for one purpose - to warn people of your impending arrival upon their doorstep.
If you wish to pay me a visit please call first. Otherwise I can't guarantee that you won't find me sans pants, chasing David while attempting to find my car keys and shoes.
With my child's recent facination with laundry, getting dressed in the morning, especially if I don't want to look like I'm color-blind and cross-eyed, is more like reenacting a scene out of an Indiana Jones movie.
Obstables abound if I want to find the perfect outfit.
The other day I actually found one shoe in the bathtub, with the other hidden under the office bed.

My husband made a comment last night that made me feel so proud that my head grew larger than J Lo's booty after a five-day brownie-fest. I was sitting in the recliner, attempting to create a helicopter. My first attempt sucked, my second just looked like I put it together after an all-night bender. My third, however, I think looked pretty cool.
Upon looking at my third attempt my husband proceeded to look at his parents and say "Isn't she freaking talented! She can make anything. It's amazing!"

Poor guy, breaks out a comment like that only to be "cocked-blocked by a pussy" that night.

Sorry it's so funny I had to say it again.


Anonymous said...

You always having me laughing with your posts! Gosh, and at least I am not the only one with laundry/toddler issues! Your description was right on!

Beth said...

Your daily life sounds so hilarious the way you put it. Love your posts. I also had to crack up that you mentioned Britney Spears crotch, THEN proceeded to warn about a crude comment. Nothing cruder than Britney's crotch! ;) lol Thanks for the pick me up, I needed it today.

Melissa said...

Your are hilarious!