Thursday, September 4, 2008

They all filter through

If there is one thing I have noticed during the past few months of this emotional roller coaster ride, it is that true friends float to the surface during times of turmoil, while others just sink, never to be heard from again.

I am by no means perfect or easy to deal with in general - especially right now.

When you look at the past two years of my life, mentally I have dealt with more drama than an episode of 90210.

I'm tired of rearranging my life for other people because "it's the right thing to do."
I'm tired of listening and supporting other people, only to not have the sentiment returned.
I'm tired of holding in my feelings.
I'm tired being dammed for holding those feeling in and then dammed for letting those feelings out.

All in all I'm just plain tired.

Thankfully what has kept me going recently have been little things.

A phone call from a person I admire and respect. Someone who I feel really listens to me instead of pumps me for gossip.

A playdate with another person who always knows how to make me feel normal and squash my fears of being a bad parent.

A lunch date with an amazing person who not only gets me, but truly makes me feel better about myself.

An e-mail from a person who understands my craving for yarn and my passion for finding a balance between sanity and social acceptance.

And then of course there were the unexpected get-togethers with the one person who gets my situation - being a submariner's wife. This person I can not only talk to, but can depend on for a swift kick in my expanding rear when times get tough.

These things are what made me realize that I don't need to be part of a "social" posse" that can rival Mariah Carey's makeup crew. Instead, all I need are a small group of friends I can connect with in whatever way we choose.

Friendship is about being there for someone, not being with someone.

Now if only I can remember to remind myself of that when times get tough....

1 comment:

Jessica said...

hey, don't worry about reminding yourself about all of this stuff the next time you are having a down day...I'll just email you this post once an hour so you don't forget! :-)
Just kiddin'! I'm glad you are staring to realize these things...(((HUGS)))