Thursday, May 14, 2009

Life's lovely speed bumps

The past few weeks or so I have felt my depression attempting to grasp for a firmer hold on my life.

The social awkwardness has begun to set in again - where I feel like I don't really fit in and am only along as a gesture of goodwill or someones inability to get rid of me.

I feel like my mouth and my brain aren't running at the same pace, thus putting me in some strange situations. Imagine my brain is Shamu attempting to run a marathon, while my mouth is the Roadrunner taking on a 5k race in a motorized scooter.

Not good.

We have officially gotten one week of patrol out of the way and it hasn't come without the typical Murphy aspects that usually latch on to me faster than a Laguna Beach reject latches onto a pseudo-reality show.

Day 1, my cat decided to have my record player take a nosedive from a very tall shelf. Since most of my collection is on vinyl, needless to say I wasn't too happy.

Day 2, I walked into an appt. with a pediatric developmental specialist for my son, under the guise it was for hyperactivity. Unfortunately, that was not the case. It was in fact a screening for Autism and Autism Spectrum.

Talk about feeling as though you went to the plastic surgeon asking to look like Angelina Jolie and woke up looking more like Brad Pitts ugly sister with the lazy eye.

Nothing can prepare you to hear the word Autism in reference to your child.

Thankfully, he is fine and there was no diagnosis, but it has left me questioning my faith in the care we have been receiving through the Navy.

Day 3, Robert's mom informed me that their beloved family dog died. Talk about losing a member of the family. Abby was not just a dog, but a wonderdog. Her best friend was the family cat and her ability to herd David around the house was in fact better than my own.

Thankfully there have been a few bright spots along the way.

David gave up the binky and we are successful done with that aspect of his life.
He also have begun to potty train again with some success.

Unfortunately, I can't seem to shake this cloud of doubt that is trying to swallow me up. I don't want to go down that road again.


terryann said...

I hope you can get that 4 X 4, four wheel drive installed soon, then the speed bumps will be crushed beneath your awsome wheels... keep on truck'n!

God loves you! Go Girl Go... life is messy, confusing and many times sad... your only control is how you react. Be determined to have the best reaction possible and even if you don't "feel it" at first, bit by bit it becomes the new normal... JOY!

terryann said...

sorry about the mini sermon... this works for me... anyway.